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Metaprogram #3: Who Comes First, You, or Others?

Posted by admin on Dec 19 2012

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We’re looking at metaprogams — the filters to your communication and influence.  In post one of this series, we asked the question of whether individuals are moving toward or away from things; in the second post we looked at external vs. internal frames of reference. Today we’re going to examine how people sort themselves.

Some people look at human interactions primarily in terms of what’s in it for them personally, some in terms of what they can do for themselves and others. Of course, people don’t always fall into one extreme or they other. If you sort only by self, you become a self-absorbed egotist.

If you’re involved in hiring people, wouldn’t you want to know where an applicant fits on this scale?

Not long ago a major airline found that 95 percent of its complaints involved 5 percent of its employees. These 5 percent sorted strongly by self; they were most interested in looking out for themselves, not others. Were they poor employees? Yes and no. They were obviously in the wrong jobs and obviously doing a poor job, though they might have been smart, hardworking, and congenial.

It goes back to building a team that works. They may have been the right people, put in the wrong slots.

So what did the airline do? It replaced them with people who sorted by others. The company determined this through group interviews, in which prospective employees were asked why they wanted to work for the airline. Most of the individuals thought they were being judged by the answers they gave in front of the group, when in fact they were being judged by their behavior as members of the audience. That is, individuals who paid the most attention and gave the most eye contact, smiles, or support to the person who was doing the speaking at the front of the room were given the highest rating, while those who paid little or no attention and were in their own world while others were talking were considered to be primarily self-sorting and were not hired.

The company’s complaint ratio dropped over 80 percent as a result of this move. That’s why metaprograms are so important in the business world. How can you evaluate a person if you don’t know what motivates him? How can you match the job you have available with the correct person in terms of required skills, ability to learn, and internal makeup? A lot of very smart people spend their career totally frustrated because they’re doing jobs that don’t make the best use of their inherent capabilities. A liability in one context can be a valuable asset in another.

In a service business, like an airline, you obviously need people who sort by others. If you’re hiring an auditor, you might want someone who would sort by self. How many times have you dealt with someone who left you in a confused state because he did his job well intellectually but poorly emotionally? It’s like a doctor who sorts strongly by self. He may be a brilliant diagnostician, but unless you feel he cares about you, he won’t be totally effective. In fact, someone like that would probably be better off as a researcher than as a clinician.

Putting the right person in the right job remains one of the biggest problems in American business. But it’s a problem that could be dealt with if people knew how to evaluate the ways that job applicants processed information.

At this point, it’s worth noting that not all metaprograms are created equal. Are people better off moving toward things rather than away from them? Perhaps. Would the world be a better place if people sorted more by others and less by self? Probably. But we have to deal with life the way it is, not the way we wish it were.

You may wish your son moved towards things rather than away. If you want to effectively communicate with him, you have to do it in a way that works, not in a way that plays to your idea of how it should work. The key is to observe a person as carefully as possible, listen to what he says, what sort of metaphors he uses, what his physiology reveals, when he’s attentive and when he’s bored.

People reveal their metaprograms on a consistent, ongoing basis. It doesn’t take much concentrated study to figure out what people’s tendencies are or how they are sorting at the moment. To determine if people sort by self or others, see how much attention they pay to other people. Do they lean toward people and have facial expressions that reflect concern for what others are saying, or do they lean back and remain bored and unresponsive?

Everyone sorts by self some of the time, and it’s important to do so sometimes. They key is what you do consistently and whether your sorting procedure enables you to produce the results you desire.

Next in this series: matchers and mismatchers.

 

 

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Want to Influence Someone? Find Out If They Have an Internal or External Frame of Reference

Posted by admin on Dec 12 2012

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Ask someone else how he knows when he’s done a good job.  For some people, the proof comes from outside.  The boss pats you on the back and says your work was great.  You get a raise.  You win a big award.  Your work is noticed and applauded by your peers.  When you get that sort of external approval, you know your work is good.  That’s an external frame of reference. For others, the proof comes from inside.  They “just know inside” when they’ve done well.

We’re talking about metaprograms. In my previous post, we evaluated how the same question can bring two completely different reactions, based on whether the individual being questioned is moving toward something or moving away. In this post we are going to look at internal and external frames of reference.

What’s the difference? If you have an internal frame of reference, you can design a building that wins all sorts of architectural awards, but if you don’t feel it’s special, no amount of outside approval will convince you it is.  Conversely, you might do a job that gets lukewarm reception from your boss or peers, but if you feel that it’s good work, you’ll trust your own instincts rather than theirs.  That’s an internal frame of reference.

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The Secret to Communicating More Effectively: Metaprogram #1

Posted by admin on Dec 06 2012

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“In the right key one can say anything.  In the wrong key, nothing: the only delicate part is the establishment of the key.”

—George Bernard Shaw

One of the best ways to become aware of the astonishing diversity of human reactions is to speak to a group of people. You can’t help noticing how differently people react to the same thing. You tell a motivational story, and one person will be transfixed, another bored to tears. You tell a joke, and one person howls while another doesn’t move a muscle.  You’d think each person was listening in a different mental language.

The question is, why do people react so differently to identical messages? Why does one person see the glass as half-empty and the other sees it as half-full?  Why does one person hear a message and feel energized, excited and motivated while another heads the exact same message and doesn’t respond at all?

Shaw’s quote is precisely right.  If you address someone in the right key, you can do anything.  If you address him/her in the wrong one, you can do nothing.  The most inspiring message, the most insightful thought, the most intelligent critique, are absolutely meaningless unless they’re understood both intellectually and emotionally by the person to whom they’re being addressed.  They’re major keys not just to personal power, but to many of the broader issues we must confront collectively.  If you want to be a master persuader, a master communicator, in both business and in personal life, you have to know how to find the right key.

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